An Open Letter To A Deceptive Facebooker

Dear Girl Who Was Hot On Facebook Before Everyone Met You In College,

It’s about time that we talked. We’re halfway through Spring Semester and you’ve effectively let everyone down with your looks, personality, voice and presence throughout campus.

We all thought you were going to be great. We thought we were going to see you at every party and laugh with you on Saturday nights. We were wrong. Dead wrong.

See, once we met you through a mutual acquaintance that we both had at the beginning of the year our hopes and enthusiasm for you dropped significantly. Going into our meeting we were excited to meet the hot girl that everyone swooned over on Facebook, but as soon as those first words left your lips, accompanied by a voice that would make a gospel choir bass shudder, our excitement levels fell like a blind kid down a flight of stairs.

You’re one of those girls. The kind of girl that looks good in still frames but in motion…not so much. You know those ugly people with cute features? You’re one of those, but only if the precision of the photographer is that of an archer that can shoot an aspirin out of the air.

We gentlemen, we talk. We talked before freshmen year about ‘that girl,’ that girl was you. We had such great expectations. We all thought we’d see you around, maybe we’d share a beer with you on a November’s night but no. You were one-hundred-and-fifty percent misrepresented by your Facebook profile, your hundreds of pictures and the comments left on your wall. I feel like I got beaten by a cheater in Rock, Paper, Scissors.

For shame, Hot Facebook Girl, for shame.

I don’t know where you are and I don’t care. I’ve been let down like a kid who just watched his team hand over the Super Bowl.

I think I speak for all of the guys when I say that you are a fraud. An absolute college-Facebook-hot-girl fraud.

Signed,

The Males Of This Fine University